no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
