The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
