I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
there's paper in my vomit.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
