I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
