margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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