you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
