Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
