i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
