yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
