Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
