best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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