I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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