Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he fucked my hip out of place.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
