Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
