I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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