you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
