So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
