The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
