so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
