OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
