still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
