this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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