I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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