I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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