I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
