I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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