wanna go halves on a baby?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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