so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
