You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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