I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
