rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
