dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
