Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made him laugh his dick is mine
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
