Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
