$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
