i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
