In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
