Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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