Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
