did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
