and she was petting her beer can
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
