Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
