Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
