Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
