Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
