tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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