i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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