Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
