well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
