Porn is love you can see.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
