He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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